Need immediate help? Dial 9-8-8 and press 1 for the Veterans Crisis Line

Starting the conversation

Having a conversation with your Veteran about suicide and making things safer at home can be lifesaving. Learn how to get started.

Make sure you are the right person for the conversation.

How is your relationship with the person you are concerned about?

Rocky
Good

If your relationship is rocky,

Someone else might be a better choice. Enlist the support of someone the Veteran trusts and who doesn’t have lots of ups and downs with the Veteran. Someone who knows about guns is especially helpful.

Read tips for sharing your concerns with a third person so you can get on the same page.

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If your relationship is solid,

Great, you’re in a good position to raise the issue. Still, it can be helpful to have another person involved. Especially if you don’t know much about firearms. It may help to learn about different storage options before you even start the conversation. This way you will have a few different options in mind.

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Having family conversations

Kevin, a Veteran, father, and counselor, provides tips on how to start a family conversation about firearm safety.

Luis raises his concerns regarding firearm risk to address his friend Manny’s safety.

It’s ok to ask about suicidal thoughts. Ask your veteran…

“Does it sometimes get so bad that you think about suicide?”

Yes
No

If YES and the Veteran is thinking about suicide…

Don’t freak out. Listen calmly and show support. Click here to learn more about supporting someone who has suicidal periods. These conversations can be challenging, and can bring up feelings that are hard to handle alone. Learn about how to get professional help for yourself or your loved one.

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If NO and the Veteran is not thinking about suicide…

Not everyone—especially a Veteran—feels comfortable saying they’re struggling. No might mean no. Or it might mean, “I’m lousy but hanging on.” Also be prepared to hear, “I’m fine. I’m dealing with it,” which doesn’t necessarily mean no. Mention specific things that have you concerned in a caring, non-confrontational way. What can be tough about suicidal thinking is that when a person is really struggling, they might not feel suicidal today, but when another crisis piles on tomorrow or next week or next month, suicidal feelings might suddenly come on strong.

Listen to your gut if you feel like your loved one is seriously struggling. And consider checking in with others who care.

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Now that you’re talking frankly together about keeping your loved one safe from suicide, it’s easier to ask how you can support them, whether new treatment might help, and how to make things safer at home.

First, some general tips:

Be specific about why you’d like to talk about making things safer at home. For example, "You’ve said you sometimes struggle with thoughts of suicide. I’d feel a lot better if we could store your guns away from home until you’re feeling better. It means a lot to me to keep you safe."
One reason it’s hard to admit to feeling suicidal is the fear that people will take away your rights or freedom. The fact that someone is struggling doesn’t mean they lose the right to call the shots in their life. Let your loved one know, “Let’s work together on this; when it comes to your mental health, you’re in charge, and I’m here to support you.”
Often people think, “I’m worried about you,” means, “I don’t trust you,” or, “I think less of you.” But worry isn’t a judgment about the person, it’s a judgment about what they’re up against. “I believe in you and I know you’re in pain. And what you’re up against is tough enough that you could use some cover in this battle.”
Things can get out of hand between intimate partners, especially during an argument or break-up. If your loved one (or ex) is having problems with anger and violence, and the guns are a danger to you as well, consider getting someone else involved. If there is a high risk of danger to you, some states offer legal options.

Do you feel prepared to discuss suicide with your loved one?

Yes, I’m prepared to start the conversation
I wouldn’t know how to help them
I’m worried they will get offended
No, this is too scary

Glad to hear, thank you for your feedback!

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These conversations can go well if you speak from what you know. Consider beginning with the warning signs you have seen.

Review the warning signs

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It is not your responsibility to solve every problem with this conversation.
Simply keeping things safer at home and providing earnest support is a great start.

Learn how to keep the home safe
Learn how to provide support

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You don’t have to do this alone. Consider sharing your concerns with a
mutual friend or talk to a professional for reassurance.

Learn how to connect with others
Get professional help

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